Meh.

Living by myself in this big metropolitan city
Far away from any pal or family
2x3 meters room becomes my daily accompany
Either to mirror or my phone, I do not talk to real body

Quiet
No, I like to sing or talk nonsense
Introvert
No, I like to whine much in my social media accounts
Antisocial
No, don't call me that. Because it's true

Closed-book with plain cover is me
Not interesting is me
Poker face is me
Listen what I need to, talk when I have to, that's me

--

So, here's the story..
When I lived in my hometown, I became homey person not a hang-out one
But I got my family and college friends to talk to directly
I knew my neighbors, yet I rarely talked or socialized to them (typical college teenager, am I right?)
Now, I live outside my hometown, and again I become homey person (in this case, kost person)
I only get my work colleagues to talk to directly
Well, I should add people who sell foods too, at least I have simple conversation to them
In the house rent that I live now, there are more than ten people living in their own room
Male and female with different age
They all are workers
They leave the house early in the morning, come home at evening or night, different time
They mostly leave before I do and I come home before they do
Feeling tired after all day working, they stay at their own room
Which mostly with the room door closed
And I honestly rarely meet my neighbors and talk to them
If I bump to one of them before I go to work, we're gonna throw a smile to each other
No talk, nor conversation
First months here, I thought maybe we're gonna converse as time goes by
But then..

The renters come and go
Almost a year I live with strangers
I don't even know their name unless several people that my colleague friend told me the names
He lives here too
As I labelled myself as a cold person, I'm questioning myself too.. am I too cold? Am I not friendly?
Or is it just them, big city people that live comfortably individually

If you ever question about my work colleagues, most of them already have a family
I am being the youngest with five years age gap with the second younger
I can't ask them to watch movie or hang out any time
They have their children and husband to take care of
Now,
Don't you feeling a lil bit luckier to have work partners with the same age?

It's sad sometimes
I often feel this antisocial soul needs to have someone to talk to
Directly, not through the mention tab, comment section, nor direct message
Even a simple conversation
I'm writing this because I'm afraid this little anxiety could grow bigger and stress me out
Has anyone ever had the same situation?
Or I just need to simply use to this?
I need solution..

Don't tell me to go back to my hometown
Because I pray for that every night

xoxo,

B